$1 burger sliders? $2 shots? $3 beers? ALL DAY LONG? It couldn’t be true, it just couldn’t.
Holy fucking shit, I found a bar in New York City where I could afford to drink my issues away and not eat cat food for the rest of the week.
123BurgerShotBeer is the kind of place that looks like a total sports bar – glaringly bright lights, high-top seating and huge TV screens play the latest in popular athletics. Waitresses walk around like they are auditioning to work at Hooters, wearing orange cheekster hot pants and t-shirts cut off at the midriff. The only difference is, patrons come for the cheap-as-hell booze, not ogle titties. Despite all this flair however, 123BurgerShotBeer is either totally empty, or full of douchebags.
Doesn’t stop me from sitting at the bar with a couple of friends from graduate school. We all intern aka slave away 40 hours a week for free at various non-profit organizations in the city, so we’re poor as fuck. Getting wasted off $3 beers sounds mighty fine to me. Add to that our regular bartender, Paul, who’d like to sleep with all three of us, and you got yourself a guaranteed $15 tab every night.
Let’s start with the $1 sliders. Posher versions of a White Castle burger taste best when dipped in an array of homemade sauces, to distract you from the fact that you are probably eating Soylent Green. At $2 a shot, your choices range anywhere from Sour Apple Pucker Schnapps-infused juices to cranberry-flavoured medicine cups of shitty alcoholic concoctions. Whatever, us underpaid girls go to town and who doesn’t fancy the idea of shouting “SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS! SHOTS!” in the bar? For $3 you have your choice of some standard draught beers, ranging from Bud Light to Shock Top to my personal favorite, Magner’s Cider (aka alcoholic apple juice).
When we’re feeling even trashier, each of us orders a 100oz beer tower for $30 a pop. That’s when the frat douches and wanna-be Barney Stinsons try and grab our asses, but a stiletto heel jammed into their foot stops prevents any sort of date rape. Sometimes I even get to drunkenly sing “Rock Lobster” during karaoke night to a crowd of inebriated assholes who cheer me on despite my ridiculous song choice.
- Trash-Meter: 8 out of 10 (10 being pretty fucking trashy).
- Alcohol Intake: Extensive. Take advantage of the cheap-ass booze.
- Chance of getting laid: Very likely, if obese sports fans tickle your fancy.
- Final verdict: If you want to experience NYC but can’t justify coughing up $10 for a Miller Light, get here. Quick
738 10th Ave
(between 50th St & 51st St)
New York, NY 10019
Neighborhoods: Hell’s Kitchen, Midtown West
It seems I have found my niche – trashy travel writing. Through various collaborations with Matador Network, I have boiled my travel prose down to the dirtiest, raunchiest, rudest forms of conceivable travel. This article deals with a lot of my personal experiences on not getting laid abroad. That’s right, you heard it – I’ve been that sloppy drunk, the too-busy-to-fuck student, the one with the boyfriend back home…it’s all there, and it’s hindered my sex life abroad significantly. For example:
Hit on the locals. Not in an, “I’d love to get to know you, Monsieur Barielles, by having a discussion with you, a few drinks, maybe cross-culturally comparing our lifestyles, etc. Then go back to your flat and bang” way. More like slurring “HEY THERE FRENCHIE, WANNA SCREW?” in a loud, inebriated way (i.e., first paragraph). Desperately beg the locals to sleep with you in an attempt to earn bragging rights within your study abroad program — “Yeah, I’ve had sex with an Australian girl, no big deal.” Slowly discover that, in a lot of countries, coming on to people like that is pretty disrespectful.
So check this shit out and leave a comment or two if you like what you see. I’m already in talks for some book collaborations and I am very excited about the prospect of publishing my trashy travels. Onward and upward, U suppose!
How to Not Get Laid While Studying Abroad – Matador Network
As travelers, it’s easy for us to forget that not every country celebrates Thanksgiving. It’s even easier for us to forget that not all countries sell frozen turkeys. Recently, I wrote an article for Matador Network on my improvised Thanksgiving meal that occurred in Slovakia in 2008. That was probably the best Thanksgiving I ever had and it was a really special memory. Check it out!
Figure out a menu that will show your new Slovak friends how Thanksgiving is your most favorite holiday in the world. Feel slightly intimidated that many Slovaks make their meals from scratch, so obviously instant mashed potatoes will not do (not that they really exist in Slovakia…). The trepidation wears off as you recall that part of Thanksgiving’s charm is having an excuse to eat everything in sight.
As an emerging writer, I am not yet used to receiving responses to articles I’ve published on the web or in print. I’m usually elated if I get one or two, and especially cheery if they say something positive like “Good job!” Who wouldn’t be? But then, there are the critics. Critics, it seems try to bring you down for only reasons they understand.
People whose homes were not annihilated during Hurricane Sandy still freaked out a bit. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I’M LIVING WITHOUT ELECTRICITY/HEAT/WATER/GAS FOR TWO WEEKS? HOW AM I EVER GOING TO DO ANYTHING EVER AGAIN?!?!?!??!” People lamented and “woo is me”d until the the magic lights came back on and suddenly, everything was fine.
What most people don’t realize however, is that there are people all around the world who live without basic amenities every day – sometimes, for their whole lives. This is something you would only be able to know by traveling the world and exposing yourself to the way other people live. It’s one thing to see it on the news, it’s another to actually live it.
No power? No problem. I wanted to write an article about how it’s alright to live without the things we take for granted, as long as we are resourceful in other ways. I love learning how I an improve my life from watching another way of doing things. For example, I never would have known what to do with myself in the dark if I hadn’t lived through continuous blackouts in Ghana. And I never would have figured out what I could and could not eat if I hadn’t been without a fridge in Slovakia. We learn as we travel, it changes us, and it helps us grow in other ways.
Before the next natural disaster hits, check out my survival lessons I applied to Hurricane Sandy. You’d be surprised how easy it really is to live without technological innovations.
What were some travel skills that you were able to use to get you through the storm?